i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
