My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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