My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
