Plan B is the new Plan A
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
