Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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