Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
