He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
