Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
