my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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