I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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