my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
