if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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