He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I feel like abortions should bother me more
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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