he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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