My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
