remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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