Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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