i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
