My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize