theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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