About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
