you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
