the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
