Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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