why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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