I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
