I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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