mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
