Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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