i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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