I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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