you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
