He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
