"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
