the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
