Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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