I feel like abortions should bother me more
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I want a musical about memes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
