I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I look better un-naked...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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