Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
