Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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