It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
