i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
