I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
