I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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