If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
