Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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