be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
