is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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