hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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