who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize