Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
