I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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