Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
