if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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