please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
