Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
