he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
