I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize