How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
