Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
