Tell her she can't have a vagina
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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