I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
