I can tuck mytits in my pants
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
