then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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