Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize