i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
