you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
