he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
