We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
