There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Randomize
