P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
