Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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