tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
