I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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