You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
