she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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