Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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