I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
