Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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