Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
