This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
