Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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