homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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