Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
