No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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