im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
