They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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