textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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