lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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