You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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