So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
