I want to stick my p in your. b.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
