There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
