I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i barfeds in our rink
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize