i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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